(02-04-11) Flip your stress and empower yourself toward health

by Mike Bundrant

(NaturalNews) In the legendary book, The Road Less Traveled, psychiatrist M.
Scott Peck identified two fundamental maladaptive responses to stress, pressure
and failure to meet the ongoing demands of life. Both of these responses lead
directly to increased stress, anxiety and the myriad of physical health
symptoms that follow, including depression, anxiety, fatigue, burn out, adrenal
stress and fatigue, low immune system and even larger lifestyle and disease-
related concerns that manifest over the course of a lifetime.

Dr. Peck affirmed that when things in life go wrong, we tend to (1) blame
others or (2) blame ourselves. In modern psychology and psychiatry these two
patterns are known as symptoms of classic character disorders and neurosis,
respectively. When we look at these core patterns, as well as an alternative to
them, we can shine light on one of the primary causes of stress related illness
in modern life and propose an ongoing, long-term solution.

Blaming Others (Classic Character Disorder)
We all know the type. The other-blamer can't seem to get it through his head
that others are not really responsible for his mistakes and for how difficult
life can be. What we don't often realize (due to our annoyance, perhaps) is
that this other people blamer, in order to justify his distorted perspective,
must be emotionally invested in the assignment of blame.

The other-blamer is viscerally affected by his blaming. He is actually angry,
frustrated, annoyed and generally stressed out by others who so consistently
sabotage his success and ruin his chances for peace. If the other-blamer were
not so emotionally invested, he wouldn't even believe it all himself. This is
the high stress lifestyle of blaming others - it is an emotional gambit. And it
causes the same high stress that leads to chronic stress-related disease.

Blaming Self (Classic Neurosis)
Self-blamers take on too much personal responsibility. Always apologizing and
wondering what is wrong with themselves, neurotics suffer their way through
life's challenges. They spend time wondering how to improve themselves so that
they can operate on an even playing field with the rest of us. Self-blamers
suffer from similar distortions in perspective as other-blamers, only they turn
their blaming ways inward and pile on themselves.

Aside from being non-productive, the burden of all that responsibility for
everything that can go wrong in life is also a source of chronic stress that
tends to fester day and night. Again, the blame manifests viscerally as
anxiety, depression, confusion, discouragement, fear and a host of other
emotional investments in the belief that self is to blame. The outcome for
physical health is no better for the self-blamer than for the other-blamer.

Both the self-blamer and the other blamer are missing something important: a
genuine sense where responsibility lies. Ironically, both types are engaged in
avoiding personal responsibility, even the self-blamers. By piling on
themselves, self-blamers burden themselves so heavily that they become ill-
equipped to do much about problems. This evasion of responsibility manifests
when you propose simple solutions to them, which they tend to write off in one
way or another, leaving themselves with no other option than to suffer.

What to do? This all depends on your tendencies toward self and others. Here
are a few things to consider:

1. If you tend to blame others, recognize this and open yourself to the
reality that you may be much more responsible. You may find this new
perspective empowering. If you are more responsible, then you are more in
charge of the outcomes in your life.

2. If you tend to blame yourself, step back and realize that other people do
have responsibilities. They can let you down, make mistakes and simply fail
you. This doesn't mean they are bad people, but merely human, just like you.
You may find it a relief that you are not responsible for everything that goes
wrong in life. Others deserve some of that credit, too.

3. Consult others. Through all of the smoke and mirrors of your psyche, mixed
with that of others, it can be tough to determine a healthy level of personal
responsibility. Good news: You don't need to be precise. Consult with others.
Be honest about your tendency. Share your questions and concerns. Find a
balanced perspective and, most importantly, move forward in a new and different
way.

In other words, flip it! Flip the responsibility away from your core pattern,
reversing its stressful effects on your body and freeing yourself from the
chains of self and other blame. Your stress level will plummet and you will
wonder where the other side of life has been. Most importantly, a clear and
productive path ahead will become much more obvious.

Blame-induced stress, whether self-blame or other-blame, delivers a heavy
physical burden of stress that takes a steep toll on our health. Getting clear
on your particular lean toward neurosis or character disorder, is a first step
toward finding relief.

About the author:
Mike Bundrant is a retired mental health counselor, NLP trainer and publisher
of Healthy Times Newspaper.

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